So happy you're here

On true hospitality

So happy you’re here.

These words are printed on the coir mat nestled against the front door of my home. They’re sincere. Though I don’t have the time to entertain as much as I’d like, I love to have friends and family over.

Photo: Target (Mat here)

But this wasn’t always the case.

For years, I stressed about guests — not necessarily the quick visits from friends, but the gatherings, parties, houseguests staying for a while. Was the house clean enough? Did we have the right food? Enough food? Should I have decorated more? Does it feel festive? I should have bought new sheets for the guest room. These are faded. Babe, do these look too faded? Ugh, why didn’t I get cute cocktail napkins???

By the time the first guest arrived, I’d be properly overwhelmed, and I wouldn’t sit down and relax until I’d hugged the last guest goodbye.

My worst “hospitality” moment

A year after the twins were born, we decided to host a family holiday cookie-baking party at our home. My parents hosted the event for decades, and it was always one of my favorite days of the year. All of us would gather in the kitchen or around the dining room table, assembling ingredients, rolling dough, and plopping small hunks on rows of baking sheets against a backdrop of holiday music. Extended family and sometimes friends would join us, and by the end of the day, my sides hurt from laughing.

The cookies were a highlight, but the conversations, the laughter, and the traditions associated with the day — like my dad counting how many Hershey kisses he could fit into his mouth (a record-breaking 26 one year) — were the most delicious part.

The year we hosted, I forgot this. To be fair, I was still struggling with post-partum anxiety, which was at a level 10 that day. Add the desire for the day to go “perfectly,” and it was a recipe for disaster. Everyone began working while I put the babies down for a nap, and I couldn’t keep up once I returned downstairs.

As I watched the first sheets of cookies loaded into the oven, I shot questions at my husband: Did they remember to make a double batch? The dough looked sticky — did they use too much shortening? Why weren’t the Hershey Kisses unwrapped? They needed to be ready to stick into the cookies when they emerged from the oven in twelve minutes. Who was watching the stove, anyway? Should that be me?

You can imagine how this line of questioning was received. My husband asked to speak with me outside, and a heated exchange ensued. He couldn’t understand why I was “freaking out,” and I didn’t believe I was, in fact, “freaking out” at all.

We returned to the kitchen, silent, and everyone tried to not stare at us. The tension was palpable. I attempted to diffuse it with a joke, but the damage was done. I was quiet the rest of the afternoon, replaying everything in my head and angry about my husband’s frustration. We gave each other space to cool off.

And it was all so, so uncomfortable.

Was it my favorite day of that year? Absolutely not.

I realized afterward it wouldn’t have been the worst thing if the cookies weren’t perfect. In fact, it probably would have resulted in laughs and new memories we’d giggle about for years to come.

True hospitality

In planning parties and gatherings now, I often refer to the way my mom does it. She loves to entertain and embodies hospitality. Everyone gets a welcome hug at the front door. The house is warm and cozy. She remembers everyone’s favorite foods or drinks and makes sure she serves them. She never specifies an end time. You feel taken care of at my parents’ house and — most importantly — wanted there.

People say that when we’re gone, others won’t remember what we did, but how we made them feel. I believe this idea is at the core of true hospitality: The food, drinks, decor, and other trappings are fun in the moment, but what will remain with your guests is knowing — without a doubt — that you were so happy they were there.

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Make your home cozier

If you’re seeking small touches to add warmth and comfort to your home this season, look no further! Cozy Earth has generously given me a 40% off code to share with friends and family. Enter REBECCA04762 at checkout. Note: I don’t earn a commission or any type of income from use of this code. It expires in about two weeks.

Tip: Head to the home section to check out their furry blankets and throw pillows, which make me want to curl up with a book and coffee and hibernate all day.

This post is part of a blog hop with Exhale—an online community of women pursuing creativity alongside motherhood, led by the writing team behind Coffee + Crumbs. Click here to view the next post in the series “Hospitality.”